New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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