I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
