well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize