Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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