ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
