hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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