I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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