i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
