I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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