so explain again why im purple
no
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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