Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And then my night got REAL pukey
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
