so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
