dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
