I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
