The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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