I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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