I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
