do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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