I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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