so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
