I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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