Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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