Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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