She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
