I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
