whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All I want is dick and wine.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
