New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you will always have a special place in my vag
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
