Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
well most of my day revolves around power hour
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
