btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We are two peas in an std pod
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
