there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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