So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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