to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
