she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
