Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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