Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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