Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
