She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
