So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
