I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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