Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
