just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
