If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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