if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
