So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
