i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
