Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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