32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
