So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
