I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
