i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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