so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
