the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
