My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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