the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
