Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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