I'm lost and stupid without you.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
