When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
