Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
