Define "chronic" masturbator.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
