My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
