i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
