Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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