Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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