Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
