the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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